I wandered into my longest relationship. I didn’t choose it myself.
Back in 2007, my coworker asked me to take a ballet class with her because she didn’t want to go alone. She stopped attending a few months later, and I continued, class after class, year after year. That was the start, and now, 20 years later, ballet has quietly become a part of my life and the longest relationship I’ve had.
I’ve never really stopped to think about what it means to be engaged with ballet for so long. Ballet is such an essential part of my life and who I am now that I can’t imagine myself without it. But I didn’t grow up wanting to be a ballerina. Besides attending the Nutcracker at Christmas and a few ballet performances here and there, ballet wasn’t on my radar until I was an adult.
When I started taking ballet classes with my coworker, I started attending ballet performances to learn more about the art and hopefully dance better too. That turned into attending one performance after another, and soon enough I was a ballet-goer with a collection of tickets and memories.
These are some memories of ballet performances that have stayed with me through the years:
Romeo and Juliet - Before I had ever seen this performed on stage, I watched a video of Alessandra Ferri’s Juliet in MacMillan’s production, and it took my breath away. I had never seen someone dance so captivatingly and beautifully. I believed she was a teenage Juliet in love with Romeo. I was completely absorbed by the Balcony Scene and thought about it for days afterward. Even years later, I watch that scene on YouTube and am so moved that I get lost in it. I haven’t felt that way about any other ballet video I’ve watched.
Onegin - I watched this a few years ago at SF Ballet without knowing the story or the music beforehand. I let it all unfold in front of me and was so moved by it that I looked up the remaining performances afterward because I wanted to see it again. There’s the dramatic corps sequence with the jetés across the stage. Then there’s that particular passage of Tchaikovsky’s music that pulls at the heartstrings. I still feel that way when I listen to the music on YouTube or when I hear it played in ballet class.
In the Night by Jerome Robbins - I loved this instantly the first time I watched it. The piece is such a beautiful interpretation of three couples at different stages of their relationships. The dancing, the music by Chopin, the costumes, and the starry-night backdrop. It gives me all the feels!
Caught by David Parsons/Alvin Ailey - I watched this around 2005 or 2006 and still remember my shock at seeing this piece to this day. The dancer controls the house lights and flashes the lights on only when he’s jumped in the air, giving the impression that he’s suspended midair. I was mind-blown by the concept and the dancer’s athleticism. This is one piece I want to watch again so I can be amazed by it all over again.
First Position and Michaela DePrince - I was so excited to watch the movie First Position in the theater when it came out in 2011. I hadn’t been doing ballet for long at that time and loved seeing the experience of young dancers training to become professionals. I later watched Michaela DePrince dance with Dance Theatre of Harlem in 2012. I wish I could remember more about her and the pieces I watched, but I remember what a rare experience it was to see her dance.
When I watched these ballets, they transported me to another dimension. For that small moment of time, I was completely absorbed in the pieces - the music, the dancing, the emotion. I forget that the rest of the world exists. That’s why I loved them so much.
And now that I’ve danced for almost 20 years, I can appreciate those performances and ballet in general differently. I’m nowhere near a professional level as a dancer (I just do it as a hobby) but ballet has given me an appreciation for what I see. I notice things about movement, technique, and musicality. I know how hard it is to make dance look effortless and then convey emotion on top of that movement. That makes me love these performances even more.
My relationship with ballet hasn’t always been consistent, though. Like many long relationships, my closeness with ballet has come and gone over the years. There have been years when I’ve watched many ballets and years when I’ve watched none. It wasn’t always intentional. Life got in the way, or I simply had other interests at the time, and watching ballet took a backseat.
There have also been times when I’ve wanted a break from watching ballet. I’ve heard the advice to watch as much ballet as I can, including the good and the bad, so I can learn more about the art form. But I don’t want to see ballet just because it’s ballet. Tickets to multiple shows get expensive. Sometimes I have JOMO (the joy of missing out) because my time is limited, and I’d rather spend my time at home with my dog.
I actually didn’t attend any performances at SF Ballet last year. I got tired of dealing with traffic and parking in the city and watching shows I wasn’t sure I would like. I wanted to relieve myself of the pressure of watching ballet just because it was happening. Ballet for me should feel like an option or a pleasure rather than an obligation.
Now, going through these memories of ballet over the years has made me realize how much dance I’ve already experienced. I’ve built this private collection of performances, dancers, and experiences in my memory over the past 20 years. It seems like a long time, and it seems like a lot, but I know I’ve only scratched the surface. There’s still an enormous world of dance and ballet out there that I haven’t seen. There are so many ballets I haven’t watched, dancers I haven’t seen, and experiences I haven’t had yet. And so I’ll continue watching ballet.
SF Ballet is performing Manon this coming season. It’s a dramatic full-length ballet, and one I’m sure I’ll enjoy, so I may find myself in the theater again. And who knows what other performances I’ll see in the years to come? I hope there are many more that will stay with me the way these have.
After 20 years, I suppose that’s what a long relationship looks like. Sometimes you’re inseparable and sometimes you need some space. And when you look ahead, you think, “I’d like to keep seeing you” because there are still so many memories to make together.
So I think this relationship will last a lifetime.