I never forget that I can leave the hospital at the end of the day.
As the years go by, I’m increasingly aware of how ordinary my life is. It seems like such an ordinary thing - to leave the hospital at the end of my workday. But working in a hospital has changed what ordinary means to me.
On any given workday, I have the strange privilege of walking out when I’m done. I finish my work, clock out, walk down to the parking garage, and drive home to my family, my dinner, and my evening routine.
But not everyone who enters the hospital gets to leave and return to their normal life.
Some recover and go home. Some go home but need caregiver assistance. Some go to short-term rehab. Some go to long-term care and never return home.
The woman who lived alone but fell and broke her hip may come to the hospital and never live independently again.
The man who came in feeling unwell finds out he has metastatic cancer and will spend the next months of his life in and out of hospitals and facilities trying to fight it.
The woman who arrived with some arm or leg weakness and slurred speech finds out she’s had a stroke and is facing possible permanent disability.
And some patients don’t leave the hospital at all.
It’s not always dramatic. I don’t see this every single day. But I see it again and again, and over time, it weighs on me.
I see how quickly life can change. I see how quickly people lose abilities they assumed they’d always have. How easily people lose their independence. And how little control we have over some of these things.
Sometimes I pause as I put my pens away and sign out of the computer for the day. I could have had a difficult day and be thinking of how much I want to go home. But I don’t forget that I get to leave.
I get to go home, talk to my husband about what bothered me, decide what to make for dinner, walk my dog, and go for an evening swim. I can sleep in my own bed at night, and I’m able to wake up in the morning and do it all over again.
How fortunate I am to be able to do such ordinary things.
I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do these things and live this ordinary life. But for now, at the end of the day, I can walk out of the hospital and go home.
I never forget that.